Change is Pricey

blank page
blinking cursor
birdsong out the open window.

pieces of thoughts like
popcorn popping
puzzled just won't fit together.

wordless ideas
windblown papers
what are we trying to say?

twelve disciples
tattered linen
tears shed for a fallen teacher.

saving grace
something changes
sights and sounds in joyful chorus

champion of death
Christ now lives!
character... influence... reason...

broken once, now
bound in Christ
breathless awe at this changed life.



When I opened this empty blog page this morning, I had so many rabbit trails of ideas and thoughts none of them seemed to fit together.  No direction. No intention.  Just the need to put it all down.  When writing papers and essays in school, I always seemed to do my best work sitting in front of a blank screen (or page)...that first word was all it took.  So, here's this poem.  God amazes me as he works even through this...guiding my thoughts so that the finished lines speak to me in a way I never thought they could.
Change is what has been most boldly in my mind.  There are many things I desire to change within myself, both mentally and physically.  And, I wonder, is it true that

 ...people never really change?

I don't think so.  Look at Christ's disciples!  Each one of them became a changed life!  Every person who is made new in Christ becomes a changed life!  Change is possible. It's difficult, but possible.  Christ can do it, and it can be all at once and easier than I once believed.

I always looked at change as something very difficult.  I thought in order to change I had to give up something...and, through the difficulty of abstaining, I had to add something completely different and make it an instant habit.  Christ has shown me that this is not the case.  Change comes through substitution.  Christ died on the cross as a substitution for me, changing how God the father looks at me (as one cleansed, no longer stained by sin)...and now I am welcomed as one of His own.  With that in mind, change is never free.

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Application, what good will I substitute for the not so good in my life today?

Breaking Down Walls

A wall is not built by one brick...a doubt is not formed by one question...a life is not lived by one moment...a change is not reached by one choice, it takes many.  In our culture of "I want it now" littered with fast food, instant messaging, direct deposit, and live TV (to name only a few) we can easily forget how things...all things, must work together...and DO work together, build on each other, need one another (whether we want them to or not).  Each moment of an individual life becomes interwoven with every other moment and effects how past is perceived and how future is approached.  Not only that, but in the amazing way God has created our minds we are able to relate one unrelated moment with another and find a common thread.  A message, if you will, of learning directed specifically at the individual.  We see this when a conversation, television show, song on the radio, and sermon all seem to "speak" the same message into our lives in a short period of time.  It is these learnings we share with others.  We talk about "how weird is this?"...  I believe it's God's way of saying "Listen up!  I have a plan for you!"

The church sermon today was on the Second Coming of Jesus, Sunday school before church was about how we know the Bible is trustworthy, and yesterday I had a conversation with my family about Satan's desire to stop us in our tracks by building up a wall and blocking out the light.  Through these individual moments, the Holy Spirit spoke truth into my life in a way that said, "Listen up!  I have a plan for you!" When God speaks this way, we simply can not keep it to ourselves, so I'd like to share the common thread with you: DOUBT.

How often do we doubt?  We may doubt a commercial, or a story told to us by a friend.  We may doubt the stability of a structure, or the validity of the weather man.  Whatever doubts you're faced with on a day to day, the one we all have in common is doubt in our faith...doubt in God.  We are all presented with opportunities to doubt God.  This is Satan's life's work!  His desire is to cause us to doubt God's truth and turn away!  Let's look at it this way, we are all walking our own tunnel and there is light at the end...suddenly, we smack into a brick wall-stopping us in our tracks and blocking out the light.  On the wall is written a question.  Satan's way of weaseling into your thoughts with a question (which may be based in fact) laced with the slightest hint of a lie.  And what do we do?  It's dark...the light is hidden.  It's cold...the light's warmth is blocked.  We panic.  We doubt.  We fear.  We begin to wonder if that question written on the brick wall is valid...we begin to question God...we begin to believe Satan.

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That's the ugly truth of it...if you're NOT believing God, you ARE believing Satan...and he is winning a battle (within your heart) that he has already LOST!!!  Did you hear that?  Satan is trying to take back a victory that is not his.  Christ WON the battle on the cross and Satan is pissed!  He will do EVERYTHING in his power to hide the victor's banner from your sight.  BUT...there is hope!  If you have the Holy Spirit, you have the power to tell Satan to flee from your sight and that brick wall will flee with him and take all doubt with it!  What beautiful fantastic hope!

Are you up against a wall?  Are you having trouble seeing and feeling the light?  Rely on the power of the Spirit and tell Satan, "Get behind me!  You have NO place here!"  Break through that wall and keep moving forward!  Don't be surprised when another wall appears, but don't give in!  A brick wall can only stop you for as long as it takes you to blast it down!  Some walls will take some work, one brick at a time, but allow God to work alongside you as he changes and shapes your character into His likeness.  Learn from it and move on.

Renewal

What do you think of with the coming of a new year?  Do you worry for things on the horizon?  Do you look back at what was left undone...what you could have done better?  Do you set goals for a "harder, better, faster, stronger" future?  What words come to mind?  Many of us resolve to revise, renew, reclaim, rework, reimagine, or even remake our lives in some way.  Well, I am one of these people...this blog has been a blessing in so many ways to many people and God has convicted me to revisit what He is doing here with the blog and with me.  A heart in Christ is a heart under construction.  It takes constant reworking, refining and renewing to remake a human heart into a Christ-like heart.

Renewal is not a new concept.  Each new season leads to the renewal of spring.  Each rain brings a revival of life.  Each trial we face brings reforming in our hearts, minds, and lives as Christ refines us from the inside out to make us more like Him.  Isaiah reminds us,

"You became weary on your many journeys, but you did not say, “I give up!” You found a renewal of your strength; therefore you did not grow weak." Isaiah 57:9-11

Refining can be wearisome...it is not easy to allow God's hand to remold our character...and if we allow ourselves to give up, do stay weary, to try to do it all on our own, WE WILL FAIL.  BUT, if we do not give up, if we look to God to renew our strength and lean on Him to help us through the reshaping process, we will come out on the other side renewed in deeper relationship with Christ and closer to the person He desires for us to be.

So, at the arrival of this new year, I'm prayerfully looking back on what God has done in my life in the past year and rethinking how I can partner with Him in what He is doing this year. In partnership with Christ, this blog will change from it's current form, and, hopefully become something honoring and glorifying to God.  Something that encourages and strengthens my renewal and, I hope, becomes something encouraging to you as well.

"Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." Romans 12:1-3

Good, Pleasing, and Perfect

I love the fall.  The air cools as the sun sets sooner allowing longer evenings and later mornings.  Pumpkins line storefronts and porches as trees announce in brown, red, and gold "Fall has come!  Make way for winter!"  Today, I spent the afternoon helping a friend rake her yard in the wonderfully crisp fall air, that still felt warm somehow...seeing the beauty of The Creator in all that the late afternoon light touches.  The changing of leaf colors, the smell of dry dust, leaves, and grass as the year comes to an end...all of this points to the Glory and power of God...more than that, it all points to the sovereignty and planning of our great orchestrator.  In Sunday School this morning we talked about the plan of God...Romans 12:2 describes God's plan as the one that is good, pleasing and perfect...and as we see the seasons change, God allows us a window into His greater plan.  Everything that matters has a beginning a middle and an end...Spring begins new life which flourishes into Summer.  As Fall dawns, vibrant life begins to fade and rest.  Winter throws a blanket of finality as life seems to stand still...and stop.  All this, to set the stage for Spring to burst forth with glorious and triumphant fanfare!

The best part about all of this is that none of it surprises God.  He has made it all and made it all good, with purpose.  This is how He has made your situation...your season of life.  whatever you're going through, no matter how big or small, good or bad...no matter how in control you feel...or not...God is in it, God is on it, and God is walking you through it!...Allow Him to work it!

Through the Looking Glass

Do you ever find, in your conversations with God, that you sometimes get stuck in the same theme for a while?  All your questions and wonderings, all your thoughts and prayers are linked together with the same underlying "problem"?  I've been stuck for some time in the same circle, it wasn't until recently (within the past few days) that God revealed what was at the center.  You see, I have a crush on this guy...never mind the details, that's not the point...and it has come to my attention that a friend has a crush on the same guy.  Now focus, here's the point: I find that I am comparing myself to her.  In my mind I have listed all the things that are better about her and all the things that are better about myself...not even knowing if the guy has a care for either one of us!  Does this honor God?  Does my comparison and evaluation of this sister in Christ honor the Father?

We do this often, don't we?  Compare ourselves to others.  It's a natural and common problem to have.  Consider 1 Corinthians:

"For as the body is one and has many parts, and all the parts of that body, though many, are one body—so also is Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. So the body is not one part but many. If the foot should say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body,” in spite of this it still belongs to the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body,” in spite of this it still belongs to the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed each one of the parts in one body just as He wanted. And if they were all the same part, where would the body be?" 1Corinthians12:19

 

There is always someone who has or is the very thing we wish we could have or be...We often have the feeling that something is missing or lacking in some way.  Thinking "If I could only be like..." "If I only had..." "If I could just get..." Going back to the notion that we can put God's puzzle together ourselves...without His model to follow.

God's word says that the whole body can not be an eye...we as Christians are one body.  Created in the image of the most high sovereign God as individuals and as one body!  By the very nature of God's creativity we can not be the same...if we were all the same we would all serve the same purpose and some things just would not get done.  Comparing myself to a sister (or brother) in Christ is like the ear comparing itself to the eye.  We are both created in the image of God and both given a specific purpose within the body and therefore it is necessary that we are different!  Specifically created each for our purpose.  Likewise, being created in the Image of God we are to reflect only one thing.  GOD!  God created man in His image, Christ came to earth as a man, the very church is a picture of the BODY of Christ!  When we look into the mirror, our ONLY standard of comparison should be Christ!

When Christ is our only standard, it becomes much easier to work as a unified body to accomplish the purposes of God's kingdom.  The body needs each unique member to function the way it was meant to.  And, sometimes, in our uniqueness is where we find our intimacy with God!  I'll be honest, this is not easy.  It's a constant battle to keep taking our thoughts captive to Christ...lifting up each and every concern that plagues our consciousness with open hands to surrender them to God.  If we are not careful, we can form our identity in trying to be something different that what we are.  Let's not get carried away with "what ifs."  Find your identity in Christ!  Embrace who He has created you to be!  When you look through the looking glass into who you are, find yourself uniquely fitted into Christ's body, in a place only YOU can fill, and carry out your work as for the Lord using only Christ as your point of reference!

The Best of What's Around

When we begin on a journey with God, it's exciting and freeing and promising.  There is so much to look forward to and nothing to fear because God is with us.  Then, the journey takes a turn we had not figured into the plan.

Five years ago, I was thrilled to be graduating college and moving into the next phase of my life.  I had a plan...ideas...a picture of what I deemed right and worthy for my life.  Once I had that set, I told God I was ready to put Him at the wheel and follow him where He would lead.  I was ready to follow.  I was ready to welcome HIS plan.  What I was not prepared for was that His plan was not the same as my plan.

My current prayer pattern often includes "God, this is not what I had in mind..." I had such a different picture for this moment in time.  A plan I thought was iron clad.  A plan that was mine...not God's.  It's not as easy to just "let go and let God" as it seems it should be.  Human nature recoils at the very thought of giving up the power to something unseen - uncontrollable...  Graciously, God has a way of making our feeble attempts at greatness pale in comparison to His sovereign will.

In church today, LT said something that really stuck.  It's been rattling around in my mind all afternoon...He said "God is at work, He is never tardy, and it will be the best in the end."  The thought that none of MY best laid plans are best is more than comforting.  It's freeing!  Freeing to know that putting it all together is not on my shoulders...it's on His!  What peace this provides!

I realize that this is roughly a carbon copy of my last post...but it's a lesson that God is continuing to teach me because I need continuous reminders.  As I continue to allow God to put the puzzle together (despite my attempts at taking over) I find my prayer pattern has changed to "God, make my mind like yours.  Make my will match yours.  Show me how to execute your plan to your glory."  I know that God has my life and purpose already written.  I know it's up to me to make the right choices to follow that purpose.  And, God knows that I'm going to try to take over again.  I am going to try to insert MY desires into HIS plan.  I am going to attempt to use my own power because that is what humans do.  But, God decides the end and in the end is when all things are at their best.

I still struggle moment by moment to reconcile my ideals to His will.  There are many things I think I am missing out on.  Many I have shared, and some I have kept between me and God.  And sometimes it's super hard to move on past those desires as I see the people around me thriving in pieces of a life I would have planed for myself...however, when the dark sadness of doubt and fear snakes its way into my thoughts, God is always there to remind me of the truth.  He is with me.  He is at work.  He is never tardy.  He will give the best in the end!  And the darkness fades and I am left with bright hopeful joy!  I am not missing out...I am holding out.  Waiting in Christ for the best of what's around!

The Face of England

On Christ the solid rock I stand!

 



With my feet on the cobbled streets of England, I began a journey I couldn't have anticipated.  I knew, of course, that embarking on my first mission trip, leaping out of my comfort zone, opening my heart and spirit to anything the Lord may have planned would have some lasting effect...though I'm not sure what I thought would happen.  Something groundbreaking and life altering I suppose.  The surprising this is that I got exactly what I thought I would, only it grew in a different way.  God blessed me with new friends, new family, and newfound joy!

 

One of my closest friends asked me what my biggest disappointment was...I had never thought about that...and of course after the fleeting regret that I didn't come home with some wonderful British love story I began to consider her question and was a bit surprised at my answer.  At first, nothing.  The beauty of the place, the warmth and openness of the people we met, the color of the ocean...all of it had me swooning!  As I continued to relive the experience, with my friend waiting for my response, I saw them.  I saw the faces od England.  Sad, dark, sorrowful faces...not a smile on anyone I passed on the streets...this is my greatest disappointment, and the reason (or at least partially) that God pulled a group of Americans together to storm the castle and share not the gospel in word but the gospel in joy.  In the simplicity of a smile.  And in that short bit of revelation God pieced together His lesson for me.

No matter where I go, no matter how far away or different or scary something might be, He is with me and so I carry with me joy and peace because Christ IS joy and peace.  More than that, I know that as long as I am doing God's will, I will be happy.  I will be satisfied.  I will be fulfilled!  And nothing can take that away!

I spend so much time trying to piece together God's plan.  I try to take the bits He's given me and arrange them into what I think makes the prettiest picture...what I think that outcome should look like...much like taking a 5000 piece puzzle and putting it together without ever seeing the picture on the box...there's just no way to do it.  ONLY God knows what His picture for your life looks like.  There is NO WAY to put it together yourself...but there's the beauty of it.  He KNOWS!  God has your life and mine already written in the heavens!  For as long as we try to follow His path, as long as we take the next step as He gives it to us, it's done.  And it's perfect!  No worry.  No fret.  No stress.  Just Christ and a lifetime of joy.

So, there it is, loves.  My take away is: I got my joy back!  The only thing left to do is SHARE it!  To SHINE the light God has strengthened into the lives of those around me...and pray every moment that I do well in His eyes.  Thank you to all of you who prayed for me and supported me and the team and the trip.  Please continue to pray for the people of Penzance and the wonderful family I have in the Light and Life church there.  They have such a beautiful thing started!  Pray for revival and renewed JOY!  Cheers :)