Have you ever sat in the quiet, Bible in your lap, pen in your hand, journal ready...waiting...waiting to hear that "still small voice." Waiting for God to speak some life-explaining truth into your weary and ready spirit? Only to find that all you hear is the quiet stillness of the room? Yeah. Been there. It can be discouraging, disappointing, disheartening, and every other "dis"-ing you can think of... It may feel like through His silence God is saying "No" to your inner desires, and maybe He is; or, maybe the silence is an invitation to wait, perhaps an encouragement to continue doing what you're doing. In any case, God's silence does not mean He is not speaking. Take, for example, that friend or family member who can say a whole lot without ever opening their mouth... I think God responds this way sometimes too.
I've spent the past few years running the other direction from "some of" God (thinking I could compartmentalize God and keep the commands I liked, and explain away or discard the ones I didn't)...I knew my plan for my life could never be better than His...but He was just taking too darn long! So, I took it upon myself to make my life happen...and it was working out "just fine" (when I lied to myself about it). I knew...could FEEL that I was headed in the wrong direction with my choices...and friends and family told me as much...that I was changing. Did I listen? Do we ever when we think we know best?
Of course, things fell apart...a few times. I cried...a lot. I picked up the pieces of the glass castle I had built and I rebuilt it...each rebuilding shakier than the last. I refused to look at the glaringly negative toxicness of my choices and the blatant corrective consequences God blessed me with. Each castle-shattering breakdown sent me deeper into my own efforts and further from God. I had twisted what I knew to be true of God into some ugly-pseudo-half-truths that fit my needs and I told myself I was content. Reality was only clear in the aftermath of each time things fell apart when I would be granted a moment of clarity. Each time clarity stayed a little longer (a few hours, a day, a week, a month) but I ran back into the ruble to rebuild each time, and it became comfortable. The lies I was believing became my comfort.
God's silence helped me break free.
Before all my selfish efforts my relationship with God was maturing. I would listen and He would speak. My spirit rarely felt his silence. It was when I stopped "hearing" his still small voice that I realized I was running my own show, and something needed to break the cycle.
Now, I look back over the past few years and see so clearly that I was running hard after SATAN's plan for my life (thinking it was God-approved). It wasn't even what I wanted, yet I was chasing it all so hard. I was believing the devil's lie that what I wanted in MY timing was right... I wasn't purposefully running from God, I was running TO Satan and losing the depth of my relationship with God in the process. In God's silence He made me stop and really look. What I saw was that Satan was battling so hard for my affections because he feared something I didn't recognize in myself...He knew (and is right to fear) that I have a calling on my life and that God will use me for His glory. In that moment, in God's silence...when I stopped to quiet my own voice and truly LISTEN and WAIT for His, He healed my heart's blindness and I saw my choices for what they were...and my glass castle shattered for good this time...allowing me the space to yield to God so He could clear my efforts and rebuild something that would last on His foundation.
God's silence speaks volumes. It can be painful and hard, but He will never leave or forsake you. He is ALWAYS at your side, and He will be there to help you rebuild. Trust Him. His plan and His timing truly are best...sometimes we can't see that until we really let go of the idols we hold so dearly. God's silence gives us pause to reflect and, if we need to, redirect our efforts. To put Him at the center once more and clear away everything we have made in our own strength.
