Selfish Ambition

About a month ago, I began a study in the book of James with some ladies from church.  Since then, the book of James has been a wellspring of truth, conviction, and insight into my own life (not to mention Beth Moore's ability to speak it in a way that drives a nail right through my heart).  Every verse I read I find I can apply to my daily walk...or lack of...  This passage was particularly convicting to me: 

"Who is wise and has understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom’s gentleness. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t brag and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace." James 3:13-18

God opened my eyes in my quiet time this week to a fact that I am somewhat reluctant and a little embarrassed to admit...but though confession and repentance comes true healing and freedom!  This week, I was confronted by my own selfish ambition.  I have never really thought of myself as a selfish person...though my life was very different before Christ, and now I see how selfish I was...I thought I was past that.  I was dead wrong!  James walked strait in through the doors of my heart and pointed my selfish ambition right in my face.  And what happens when selfish ambition are present?  "There is disorder and every kind of evil..."!  WOW!.

^"What is the source of the wars and the fights among you? Don't the come from the cravings that are at war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don't receive because you ask wrongly, so that you may spend it on your desires for pleasure." James 4:1-3

Don't you love hearing something old in a new way?  I've 'known' this passage for as long as I can remember, but it has hit me like a brand new shiny box of bricks this week.  I ask wrongly.  I ask out of my own selfish ambition.  I ask out of my desires for pleasure...  Oh, Lord, forgive me for my selfish ambition.  Help me to walk always in your ways.  Fill me so fill of your Spirit that everything else is forced out!  Help me also to remember that I am your child!  You are called the 'Father of Lights,' which makes me Light as your child through Christ, and even the smallest light is brighter than darkness.  Please take these verses, Lord, and plant them in my heart.  Cause the light in me to grow and overflow all the corners of darkness in my heart!  Amen!  I think I am still a little dizzy from that blow...but praise God from whom all blessings flow!  That He has forgiven me and has already begun the processes of healing!  He can heal your heart too!
It can be so tempting to pray with selfish ambition and wrong motives...but the Bible clearly tells us that those (selfish) prayers will not be heard...those desires will not be fulfilled for you or for the person you are praying for.  The biggest 'take away' is this, check your motives before you think, speak, pray...My relationships are not for me, they are first for God...they are not about what benefit I will glean, they are about what blessing I can give to another created in the image of God.  My prayers for others should not be about how I will be affected, they should be about the other person's blessed life!  Could your prayers be keeping blessing from the ones you pray for because you're really praying for yourself?

    Have you prayed for someone's heart to change or soften so they will treat you better or so they will come to know Christ?  Have you prayed for provision so you can have the next best thing, or so you can better serve?  Have you asked God for something so you can be more like the world, or so you can meet someone else's need?  These are the questions rattling around in my brain, and I am pained to say I don't like some of my answers.  I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for ourselves or for others (We certantly should)...but it's in the WAY we ask...the reasons we ask...the motives...the end goal.  I thank God that confession and repentance brings healing and freedom!  It's almost instant that I feel a weight lifted and let the healing begin!